*Teddy Play group*

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a weeked in feb 2014

(Picture of Ken Koala)

As children’s cartoons go Pepper Pig has to be the most digestible – And thanks to approximately 3 years of it being played on loop I’m guessing I’ve probably watched every single Pepper Pig episode to date!

My fondest episode of Pepper Pig though has be “Teddy Playgroup” The one where Daddy loses Teddy Playgroup (the playgroup bear) at the supermarket!

Ha – it makes me smile (mostly) because “Haven’t we all lost “Teddy playgroup” ? – Or got him stuck in the washing machine, forgot to give him back, left him in a coffee shop 3hours away from home? ‘No’? (or is this just me?!)……….And if the pressure of potentially – accidentally leaving *Teddy Playgroup* somewhere isn’t bad enough reading through his book is!………..

Because *Teddy Playgroups* book is filled with (parental) competitive efforts to elaborately out-do the last ‘fantastic’ *Teddy Playgroup* (instagram selfie/power point presentation) entry.

Typically if you can keep up (I refuse to) *Teddy Playgroups* selfie will include him;

  1. Going on a plane (private jet “obv’s”)
  2. Being at a One Direction concert (with Harry Styles if poss)
  3. Riding an elephant
  4. Surfing the waves in Australia
  5. Or skiing in Alps
  6. Drinking tea with the queen
  7. Or Drinking Champagne with Britain&Ireland’s “Next Top Model”

In all honesty though I tend to ‘Opt’ out of the parental competition ‘thang’ and pass the pencils over to the kids (like it should be) and in later years he (*Teddy Playgroup*) is lucky to make it out of the Teddy Playgroup bag!

In fact last year we had Brownie Owl (unintentionally) for a whole year – we found her in the wardrobe – I think her book entry – Illustrated with (child) hand drawn picture of a sad owl in a wardrobe – read;

“I had fun at Erin’s house…but Erin’s mummy forgot she had put me in the wardrobe :0( I’m glad pleased to be out”

My most favorite *Teddy Playgroup* book entry EVER though wasn’t a flamboyant entry written by a ‘try-hard-parent’  it was an entry written by a disgruntled *Teddy Playgroup* host parent (not me) who had obviously had *Teddy Playgroup* for two weekends in a row…And it read like this…….

“So *Teddy playgroup* came to stay with *Ben* “AGAIN” (underlined) ……Sadly *Teddy Playgroup* was very (underlined) tired when he got home and he developed a BIG headache. So *Teddy Playgroup* had to go to bed for the whole weekend.

HA HA (High five)

This weekend we have ‘Ken koala’ the Beavers Koala and we haven’t much planned other than a trip to a jumble sale – which (unless we want to run the risk of selling Ken) probably isn’t the best place to take him too!

Wish me luck!

XB

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Diva

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diva

Now I don’t actively encourage my children to be ‘Diva-ish’ or stage hungry AT ALL (quite the opposite atch) however this is what my eldest (above) said yesterday which had me howling with laughter.

I Asked Finn what he did today at school – he said “I designed my dream house it had a DS room” Erin pipes up ” Ha – DS room?!…well my dream house has four servants who will work in the mail room” Mail room I ask – she replies deadpan “yeah because I’m going to be a SUPERSTAR they will deal with all the fan mail” [sic]

(HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAA How precocious – I love it!!)

xxxx Happy Tuesday folks xx b

My list (so far) of stuff you never knew before you had kids

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e&f beach buckets

  1. The love you feel for your newborn will be the strongest emotion you have ever felt
  2. The lack of sleep there after will be the strongest tiredness you have ever felt.
  3. Eating your dinner whist breast feeding will become the norm (*piece of cake*)
  4. You will know all the words to the starting song/theme tune of EVERY Cbebbies programme – which at some point you will find yourself (without child) singing in Sainsburys
  5. Ditto find yourself watching an entire Cbeebies programme (also childless)
  6. You will defecate with an audience at least once.
  7. You will break all YOUR OWN  “When I have a child……..”rules” (For example -no chocolate/no telly/no sugar before the age of 14 – no Mc Donalds/no iPad usage/no toy guns/no Barbie etc etc etc etc
  8. On a Friday night your ‘fun-lovin’ self will get binned and your “don’t get too pi**ed voice” will be become paramount….mainly because of the point below
  9. You will never get a ‘lay-in’ again (until I guess they clear off university) and No it doesn’t matter if you are hungover – The swimming lessons still commence at 9am!
  10. They will have a better social diary than you – you will know this as your entire week and  weekend will be spent driving them to places.
  11. Toddler tantrums don’t stop when they stop being toddlers
  12. You will sound like your mum
  13. It will take you a year to finish a book
  14. You will never ‘get – on – top’ of the ironing
  15. Children’s party’s are as irritating as you thought they would be – and you will learn to be selective – (IE only go to the ones that serve wine)
  16. You will become HATEFUL of balloons and HATE that they are given out at every (irritating) children’s party to bring home (You will automatically pop them before you get in the car)
  17. You will eat leftover fishfingers
  18. You will get used to sharing a bath with (At least) one Star wars figure or Barbie
  19. You will have to accept that their bedrooms will always be a mess
  20. Your house for a while will be a littered with brightly coloured plastic stuff – which you will hoover up and stand on
  21. Your walls at some point will be attacked by crayola and felt pens
  22. you will want a ‘break’
  23. But you will love them with all your heart!!! :0)
  24. And not be able to imagine life without them – even though they drive you nuts occasionally /oftern

(The list so far)

X b

Week-end guest(s) stress

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Week-end Guests:

When we were in our early 20’s child free and renting a city center bijou flat (with a sofa bed) I use to love having weekend guests to stay – it was *ACE* – chill axed – bohemian – loll’in in PJ’s nursing a hangover – if we were up in time we might go to the pub for Sunday lunch kind of relaxed, everyone got on – stayed until the following weekend – got in the way – communally made a mess – And I didn’t care………………………………………

Now roll on 10 years and two children – a husband – a mountainous pile of UN-ironed ironing inhabiting the landing/spare-room/stairs – a bathroom that potentially should be/could be condemned (NEEDS a clean!) – the spare bed linen for spare beds in said Ironing pile……..and basically “NO-TIME-TO-MAKE-F**KING-BEDS!” I’m not so *chill-axed*!!!! Or bohemian, And actually having a weekend Guest(s) to stay (regardless of how lovely or well you know them) generally, until the wine flows later (with your guest) is a big massive headache.

“Agreed”???

Luckily for me then that my BFF (‘best friend forever’) and other girlfriends all live no further than doors away from me thus the need for ‘sleep-overs’ is totally unnecessary – we can simply walk/run home fueled by coffee, Prosecco or gin! (depending on the time of day).;0)

My family and even my in-laws also live houses away from my own so echo the above – ‘No need for sleepovers’

And my old university friends (who are scattered across the UK)  as a rule de-bunk ‘The staying over the weekend stuff’ we usually meet up childless/husband-less instead in a central city – where we drink wine – gasbag – giggle – drink more wine – reminisce the year 1997 – drink more wine – forget to eat and fall back on to the 5.50pm @Kingcross home..(*hic*)

Luckily then we don’t often have weekend guests and my spare room is obsolete (apart from containing the UN-Ironed ironing (THANK GOD!”)

Thinking back the last week-end guest we had was about four years ago and was a *headache* for more reasons than bed making and bathroom cleansing.

The said guest was an old friend who I hadn’t  physically seen for about 6 years and only really communicated with occasionally on Facebook. The guest arrived by train on a Friday evening with *lots* of baggage and dietary demands – announcing that despite 6 years ago being a normal eater – had now begun a restrictive diet of eating nothing, it seemed,  but rice and apples, promptly  – refused to eat the dinner my husband (A Chef) had cooked (local Venison) and couldn’t drink anything but filtered/non-fluoride water at room temperature. After dinner that night they departed to our family bathroom for a two hour soak in the bath, using up all of the hot water ( meaning I couldn’t bath the kids) Then spent the rest of the weekend lecturing us about about drinking alcohol, complaining about the children waking up too early made a mess, got – in -the – way – stayed until the Tuesday of the following week – I cared! !!!!!!

(*Headache*)

Personally I like the 1949 approach (below) – And next time (if there is one) this how I’m rolling ;0)

(Taken from 1000 Household hints – Elizabeth Craig 1949 edition)  

Week-end Guests.-

When inviting week-end guests always be careful to intimate when you expect them to arrive and depart. If they are coming by train you can easily manage this by saying you will meet a certain train, and suggesting that they can go to town with your husband on Monday morning, or stay to lunch with you , whichever they prefer. If they are coming by car you could say, “we usually have lunch (or tea) on _day at_. If you can’t get here by then will you let me know, and we’ll alter the time. I hope you will be able to stay on to lunch on Monday,” or something of this sort. 

(OR in other words don’t stay until Tuesday or #overstayyourwelcome! Ha)

Happy weekends guys xxxxxxxxxxx b

The woe of World book day costume stress.

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Categorically I always forget about ‘World Book day’

And every year the children will drop into a dinner time conversation that ‘that’ day (WBD – the day I always forget) is THE next day. And that the theme is (X) and they would really like to go as (X) i.e. something like the Eiffel tower, or basically any costume that canNOT be created from crape paper/foil/glitter/PVA glue or daddy’s work shirt – basically anything V obscure that requires the know how of a nimble thumbed Savile row tailor to create – ‘Oh’ and you have the evening to knock it up in!

Last year the theme was non-fiction and we were saved by my very fashonista Mother who’s dappa Top-shop sailors jacket transformed in ‘Napoleons coat and a dress-up dress coupled with home-made fan became an Elizabeth I costume ‘TA-DA’

This years date (Thursday 6th March) is highlighted on my kitchen calender – Although I haven’t dared ask the question of theme -yet!…….. My cousins little boy has announced he is going as a character from 50 shades of grey – coz ‘he read the back of it in Asda – “to see what all the fuss was about” and it looked good!”

Ha ha – good luck guys hoping the theme is good for you! XxB

Church/shocked Sunday faces/hungover

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“Ok” the last time I went to Church was Christmas time, an evening candle lit service in our local Domesday church – with WINE…..the female vicar and I got horrendously drunk on Grenache – I think, I recall, I slagged off god :0/ (who I’m not a massive believer in -forgive me for I sinned) she slagged off the older parishioners who think women vicars are ‘sent’ from the devil / blame them for the recent floods etc etc (obv’s – that kind of ridiculous-ness’s).

Anyway the night ended with us climbing over a wall and helping her drive her pink fiat car (complete with a ‘fuelled by angels’ sign on the back window) a straight mile home blotto!!!! :0/ (OMG ‘I have sinned’)… Anyways somewhere between telling her my troubles with god (ie slagging-off-the-big guy-in the sky) and agreeing to ‘eye ball’ the old farts with female vicar isuses I agreed to go to the next family service (which is short of families) …..which well is today, the kids will be doing a reading, And I’ve just told them so! #shockedfaces……….9.30am to be at church, Sunday Best on and personally regretting the previous nights processo OD! Happy Sunday xxxxb